Guess what, dear Xangans?

Last night I celebrated my nineteenth birthday in the true British Columbia style: profuse amounts of alcohol. I am officially of legal drinking age and I had the chance to partake in a celebration with over thirty people. Nineteen does not feel much different from eighteen, with the exception of being able to do a lot more.

The big thing, though, is how surprised I was to see how many people showed up. It was one of the biggest events I have been to and it was all for me. I cannot describe how much I love these people. Though tonight I am going out for dinner with some of my high school friends, the people who came out last night are the ones that I feel truly close to. I love them, more than I ever thought I would. What started out as something merely for finding social activities has now become an integral thing in my life.

But, enough with that, I have to ready myself for round three of birthday celebrations. I am two down and three to go.

I feel incredibly blessed to have such great friends.

What did you do when you turned the legal drinking age?

In utter boredom, I spent time I should have been studying perusing my older blog entries. It was a cocktail of emotions, a potent mix of nostalgia, anger, hurt, laughter, and confusion. The outcome of it all was me missing the community I used to be part of here. I used to love interacting with everyone and knowing that I had escape after a stressful day. Revisiting the entries penned by my high school self drove me to the point of return. I miss who I was here, free of the judgement that encircles all my real life social circles. Never have I felt so welcome as I did in this blogging community.

I toyed with the concept of creating a new blog, but I settled with continuing this one. I think I might save up to change my username, but I cannot bear to destroy the thing that had such an impact on me. I have no idea what form this blog will take, but I yearn for the therapeutic feeling of catharsis as my thoughts spill from my head to the keyboard. This is what I love, this is what saves me.

My life has changed so much in the last year, it is almost hard to fathom. I started this blog when I was sixteen and I am now on the cusp of my nineteenth birthday. In about two weeks, I will have lost the label of child that accompanies those under nineteen in my province of residence. I am completing my second semester of university. I hold three positions in departmental student unions at my school. I have a better idea of who I am. I no longer live with my parents. I have a new cast of social relationships. I got out of the town that I so oft wrote in agony about. The long term relationship I saw going further ended. Things are vastly unfamiliar.

In navigating the new landscape before me, I think I am happier. I think I have more possibilities. I think I might have more reason to smile. My anxiety has been incredibly manageable lately, which is a blessing. Looking back at how I was when I was living in the stifling suburbia with my less than stellar home life and unstable relationship, it makes sense. I still have days where things seem darker than I can handle, but I am working through it. 

I feel like I have reasons to be alive. I feel passion for my student politics. I adore my majors. I have a thriving social life. I feel independent. I feel in control. I have a crush for the first time in a very long while, a potential thing that could go somewhere in the future. I am almost old enough to not have my age act as a restriction. 

For once in my life, running away has ended up being a good thing.

How is January going for you guys?