If I wish hard enough, maybe I'll find the capability to put this into words.
I want this blank page to fill with words. Words that would tell how I'm feeling to anyone that reads them. More so that I want to read it for my own benefit, to know what I'm feeling.
Often that's what happens with my blog entries, I open the blank page and just start typing, allowing the tangled thoughts in my mind to find a more solid shape. As fucked up as it is, I re-read all my entries several times, looking for all my hidden meanings and figuring out what I truly needed to say. The truth is, I blog for myself more than others. I don't care that a majority of my blogs have made the list of top blogs, because I'm not in this for popularity, I'm just trying to figure myself out.
I do not often find myself shocked or at a loss for words, yet here I am struggling to find anything tangible in my mind to form a sentence. That one text message, worded just so, cause me to lose my grip on reality and on logic. I slipped into a trance, unable to do much more than text and Facebook chat.
This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but it is extremely unlike me. I am impatient and fidgety, I don't sit still, nor do I waste time. I redirect energy into distractions, not sitting staring at a wall. IT'S NOT EVEN A FUCKING ATTRACTIVE WALL.
Basically. I want to punch something. Gah. This blog didn't help me realize anything. That's sad. I was hoping for some revelation, some answers.
(oh- and I am extremely glad that I got a chance to catch up with you, Kaeli. Three hours after you asked me if I needed someone to talk to, we were talking like things hadn't gotten so fucked between us. As surprised as I am to admit this, I really enjoyed talking to you again.)
Do you blog for yourself or others?
Comments (11)
Thank god someone who does it for the same reason I do. For myself. I suppose sometimes I want a comment which praises my work, but I don't really think about it on the whole. I use this as an creative and emotional outlet. And apparently everyone who blogs is obsessed with the popularity, I'm really not. Relating with others because they love to write and be deep like me makes this site even better. So yes I do do it for myself and I dont care if people say I do it for others, I know myself what I feel and everyone else can go fuck themselves. haha xx
I blog for both. It depends. Sometimes, I want people to know about something so I'll write about it. Other times, I blog about personal issues to learn about myself.
@RandomPetalsX - Yeah, I rarely post anything that I've written for an audience. Though, I have, like when I posted my pro-cannibalism speech XD
@nickichica - Sounds like you're doing it for the right reasons :)
I definitely blog for myself, and for the exact same reasons. Most of the time I open up the blank page with an idea in my head of something that has happened in my life that I want to talk about. And, most of the time, my "talking about" it turns into me basically spilling every single thing that has crossed my mind in the past 24 hours (or however long it's been since I last blogged) and it just makes things so much easier to be able to look at everything that was swimming around in my head in text-form. It's so much easier to handle that way. It truly is a release.
And, while I do very much appreciate comments on my entries, I would not stop if nobody ever commented, because I do it for me. I don't do this for popularity-- I don't even want popularity; I want anonymity. With anonymity comes more freedom than I could have if I were recognized, because this way, I have nothing to prove and no one to impress.
To be honest, I'm not sure what it is I'm blogging for.
Myself.
I want to hear you pro-cannibalism speech! I blog for myself, but spell check for anyone reading.
@DiaryOfAPsychopath - http://breaking-expectations.xanga.com/716524025/why-you-should-eat-human-flesh/
(: YAY!
@noselfdestruct - Yeah, I'm the same way. I don't care who reads it, as long as I manage to say what I'm thinking. I don't censor myself, even if I know certain people may come across it.
Lately, neither.
It definitely started out as blogging for myself, but then it sort of... expanded, and I got greedy. Then I felt the pressure, and I fucked myself over. And now I just don't blog because any time I do it's superficial and ridiculous and I'm just mean.